The t-square configuration is: Saturn + Mars (in 1st degree of Libra) opposing Uranus + Jupiter (in 1^st and 3^rd degree Aries), and all that being squared by Pluto.

This configuration creates a strong tension between two very powerful astrological forces. These are archetypal forces which exist first in a wider field of consciousness, and from there they “step down” and manifest in our earthly realm as human impulses, feelings, beliefs systems, actions, organizations and social structures as well as external events. A more psychological way of saying this is that these archetypal forces are qualities of human mind which people organize around to varying degrees. For instance, human beings have organized around fear and self-preservation, and they have also organized around hope, inclusiveness and our shared humanity. On July 30^th, 2010, these two ways of organizing will come to a sharp focus of tension, with possibly explosive results. Here is my in-depth analysis of the energies at work.

Saturn/Mars

On one side of the upcoming t-square configuration is Saturn conjoined with Mars. This combination represents the dark side of the survival instinct; the oppressive establishment, oppressive government; war; violence; dehumanized conservatism; both the archetypal forces of these energies in consciousness, and the actual structures of these things as they are organized by people and manifest in society.

There is a kind of organization operating in society and across the globe, who’s nature is one of merciless, brute force. This might be the military industrial complex, along with big corporate powers who’s leadership are dehumanized and who fight a constant “war” for power, control, profit, etc. This global entity is powerful, is organized, is coldly calculating, is stubborn, is determined to achieve it’s goals by any means necessary, including violence, killing and worse. Killing and violence are not it’s main objective. Self-preservation is it’s main objective, and killing and violence are just two of the tools used to achieve this objective. This entity creates fear in others, and this entity is actually full of fear itself, although that may not be known to itself or apparent to others on its surface. It might appear to be very cold, well organized and business-like on its surface, but that is because it is actually composed of a highly structured fear based on survival and self-preservation. It is the manifestation of a highly organized, fearful response to life. It is the result of humans organizing around fear about self-preservation. It is fear joined with a stark materialism; a survival instinct divorced of higher principles and humanity; it is a bulwark of cold, unfeeling violence and desperate greed, which seeks it’s own survival at any cost.  In a way, this archetypal force has an unthinking, stampede mentality, and keeps hurtling towards it’s objective, without noticing the cost of it’s actions on the bigger picture.  It is like a bull which charges to safety to save itself from a pack of lions, and in it’s unthinking charge does not realize that it is running towards the edge of a high cliff (and leading the whole herd right along with it). There is a momentum behind this entity which is very difficult to slow down or stop. If left unchecked, this energy could easily destroy itself and take much of the life-forms on the planet along with it, before it will realize that it has gone to far.  [BTW, a Saturn/Mars conjunction can have many other qualities than the ones I've described here.  However, I am describing the way I see this particular Saturn/Mars conjunction.]

The archetypal forces described above are in opposition to (are “fighting with”) the following energy:

Uranus/Jupiter

On another side of the upcoming t-square configuration is Uranus conjoined with Jupiter. Together they represent positive revolution; new ideas with heart and humanity; a principled, creative new movement; a hopeful, inclusive vision for the future; positive change, realignment, jumping out of the old rut onto a healthier course of action; a new track.

This archetypal force is in alignment with higher mind, it has a creative, refined, genius aspect to it. It also has a positive, heart-felt aspect to it. It holds a positive vision of the earth, and seeks to work in alignment with that. This energy manifests in the human realm as those people and organizations that work towards a vision of peace, cooperation, equality, respect for nature, openness to spirituality, creativity, higher mind, and working in alignment with positive forces outside the human dimension (for example, “listening to nature”, communicating with spiritual forces, etc.) The intention of this archetypal energy seems to be to move humanity away from raping and despoiling the earth, and back into a harmonious, balanced, reciprocal relationship with it. This energy is very idealistic, and in it’s extremes has many far-reaching visions of what is possible for humanity. Some of these visions may seem wildly impractical, to the point of contradicting commonly accepted “laws” of reality (for example, “free energy”, zero point systems, etc). There is a quality of urgency to this energy, as if action must be taken immediately and change happen very quickly. There is a bit of a scattered quality to these efforts, a bit of chaos, like trying to write while riding in a car on a very bumpy road. There is some fear and heart-break here, but also a “chin-up” bravery and holding to a positive vision despite daunting setbacks.

Aries/Libra

These two nodes of the opposition described above are happening in the first degrees of Aries and Libra – these degrees are very powerful points in the zodiac and they lend their natures to the configuration.

The first degree of Aries (where Uranus/Jupiter sit) is a power spot. It is like a doorway for new energies to manifest through; it is like a womb or a birth canal; it is like a wellspring which gushes water; it has a newness and an urgency about it; it is very directed and one-pointed. It has a quality of a baby being born, who is determined to come out of the womb no matter what, and who bursts forth, brand new to the scene.

The first degree of Libra (where Saturn/Mars sit) has a very different quality. It is no longer new and bursting on the scene like Aries. It is more smooth and much more integrated into the scene. It has well developed structures already in place to support it. It has a more complex quality to it; for instance, there is a public side and a private side to this Libra point. With the Aries point it is much more simple; what you see is what you get. However, with the Libra point there is the ability to create a facade which can conceal things behind it’s surface.

The Aries point is like a scrappy young boxer, who bursts into the ring with impulsive energy, and charges straight at his opponent, punches flying. Libra is like a smooth, old fighter with plenty of tricks up his sleeve, who circles his opponent, sizing up his weaknesses, and waits for an opportune moment to strike. The Aries point seems to have more raw power behind it, but the Libra point has more developed structures to support it.

In some ways the Saturn/Mars node seems to be the more powerful one, since it has more energy organized and in place on the physical realm.  However, the Uranus/Jupiter node seems to have more potential energy in spiritual dimensions, waiting to manifest here on earth. There is also another difference between these two points, beyond having different sets of qualities. The first degree of Aries is recognized as one of the most powerful degrees in the zodiac, much more so than the Libra point. The first degree of Aries is not just the start of Aries, it is the start of the whole zodiac. It is not just another degree with particular qualities, it is also a gateway which allows new energies to manifest into this realm. Because of this, I would say the Uranus/Jupiter node has more potential energy at it’s disposal. However, the Saturn/Mars node has more actualized energy at it’s disposal.

Squared by Pluto

These two nodes in opposition described above are not only in dynamic tension with each other, but there is also a third force acting on them both, and that is the “square aspect” cast by Pluto. This energy appears mainly to manifest as a tremendous pressure. And for some reason, I see this pressure leaning much more heavily on the Saturn/Mars node, than the Uranus/Jupiter node. I see this intuitively, and don’t really know why this would be the case astrologically.  It might be because the Saturn/Mars node is so dense and rigid, and resists the Pluto energy more, so creating more pressure and tension there. The energy of the Uranus/Jupiter node is much lighter and more flexible, so perhaps it doesn’t push back against the Pluto energy as much; rather it bends and flows with it? It also appears to me that there is an actual intention operating within the archetypal Pluto force, to bust up the embedded concrete of the Saturn/Mars energy.  Lastly, it is my perception that Pluto appears to be “facing” or “turned towards” the Saturn/Mars node, while it’s “back” is towards the Uranus/Jupiter node [could this be because Pluto is currently retrograde and moving towards Saturn/Mars?]

Effect of this Configuration

An astrological configuration like this t-square, is first and foremost an energetic event, and from the energetic realms it works it’s way down into our physical world. Many astrologers are really, really stirred up over this t-square, and are trumpeting from the rooftops big predictions that this will be the most important day of our lives, or the worst day in hundreds of years, that everything is going to change, that everyone on earth will be affected, and so on. Honestly, I must ask, haven’t we heard such things before? And how much did things really change? I have noticed that astrologers (and other “seers”) have a tendency to over-predict. Perhaps that’s because they often see energetic events in their pure form, and forget that these events will NOT be manifesting in a pure and spotless vacuum. Rather, they manifest in a world filled with powerfully established preexisting structures. These preexisting structures have their own inertia, exert their own influence, and are able to deflect or absorb quite a lot energy.

Furthermore these preexisting structures are very complex, and that makes it very hard to predict how everything will eventually shake out. Whatever manifests, I feel confident it will have the qualities I’ve described above, but just where, how, when, and what… these things can be hard to pin down beforehand. Lightning may strike and kill a tree, but when and how that tree will fall can depend on many other factors.

On July 30^th this configuration comes to a head, and all the energies described above reach their greatest height of poignancy. There may be a world event which corresponds with this date, but it’s not always so. Often with such configurations the energetic event shakes out into the physical world on a different day. We should also bear in mind that a major part of this configuration, the Saturn/Uranus opposition, has been active since the Fall of 2009. So we have already been experiencing a large part of it for almost a year.

I believe that we’re already seeing this configuration at work in the Gulf Coast oil disaster. The symbolism matches very closely, in my view. The Gulf Coast disaster which continues to unfold, and it’s repercussions, could very well be the total physical-world manifestation of this t-square configuration. I would not be at all surprised if this was the case. When I say this, I realize that I’m not being anywhere near as exciting as those astrologers who predict a tornado to hit every house, or a new Cadillac to appear in every garage, but again, how often has that ever really happened? I think that the “worst human-made disaster in history” is big enough to fill the shoes of this t-square configuration. Do we really want any more “excitement” than that?

What Really is Important

Ultimately, I don’t believe it’s all that important to know how things will shake out with this t-square configuration. We can trust that there is a purpose behind this cosmic drama we are a part of, and there is a process of unfolding that has it’s own rhythm and timing. I think what is truly important is that we become aware of the energies at play so that we can make a conscious and aware choice about what we want to align with, what we want to organize around; what part we want to play… Do we want to align with the Saturn/Mars node of this configuration, or the Uranus/Jupiter side of it? That question is the most important thing we can take from our understanding of this configuration, in my opinion. And from that question we must actually move, act and create, even if only within our own inner consciousness.

I should end this article by saying that if this configuration interacts with your own natal birth chart in a significant way, you can expect much more dramatic effects in your own life than watching the Gulf Coast disaster unfold on the nightly news.  For instance, this configuration has been powerfully linked with my own “mid-life crisis transits” occurring over this last year, and not coincidentally this has also been one of the most intense and challenging times of my life; having had my first child and breaking both my legs, to name just a couple of events.  For a more thorough analysis on how this configuration may be interacting with your natal chart, feel free to contact me for a reading.

if the hawk
holds her wings
just so
she can rest
on thin air.

this kind of attention to the moment
is all that is needed
to avoid endless
flapping.

*

the way to tell the living
from the dead?
hold a mirror close
to each one
and see who
fogs it.

*

choosing your own Heart
in every instance
is not a rejection of anything.
it is simply
remaining
as you are.

*

when the Universe
takes off her gown
you’ll find
your own face
shining
everywhere.

*

because a well is
empty
water can fill it,
and a whole village
is replenished.
with the Heart
it’s the same:
when there’s no one in the way
everyone can
drink
love.

*

the fierceness
of pure Life
breathes
from every speck
of this universe.

*

we long for the tops
of
distant
mountains,
while a whole
P l a n e t
rests
beneath our feet.

*

you’ll

never

reach

your

destination

you’re

already

there.

*

forgive me
beautiful woman
for not dating you.
I’m a dualist
in recovery.

*

my wife left me…
I don’t think our
goldfish
even
noticed.

*

a drunken thief
broke into his own house one night, by mistake.
after clearing the place out,
and stashing the valuables
in a secret place,
he went back home
and passed out.

upon awakening the next morning
he was thunderstruck,
and cried out,
I’ve been robbed!

*

I made love to Satguru
last night.
she had no name
and no face.

*

the moon grows full and bright
only when she loses herself
in the Sun’s light.

*

one corner of blue sky
spoke very sadly to another,
“Looks like we’re in for
cloudy weather.”

they both laughed.

*

if you start to remember
that we are two,
drink more of this wine
-it will make you forget
and we can go on
loving.

*

You are God.
If you don’t know this to be true
then I will say,
You are God
having
the crazy thought,
“I don’t know this to be true.”

*

Prerequisites
for really
knowing
God?

How’s your kissing?

*

Wherever did you get the idea
that you are not the
very Light
of this Universe?

Who told you that lie?

*

If your spiritual path
isn’t making you
a better
kisser…
you may be wasting your time.

*

I called out to the Beloved,
with all of my heart,
and was startled to find,
that in my calling

the Beloved
was calling to me.

*

*

When Jesus said
“Love thy Neighbor”
He didn’t mean to give us some task
of pleasing God,
or following some
divine law.

He just said it
so we might
be
a little
kinder
to
ourselves.

*

the best mantra
in the face of overwhelming
darkness
is
I love you so…

*

Don’t wait a million years
to let everyone know
the answer

to the only question
that has
ever
really
mattered
to them,

“do you love me?”

*

*

Don’t be fooled:
behind the eyes
of every thug
and misfit,
is the desperate plea,

“Don’t let me
scare you
away
from loving me.”

*

only love makes you truly smart.

*

I made a mistake
When I thought you were a stranger,
when I looked at you with distrust,
when I thought you weren’t dear to me;
dear one, I made such a mistake
thinking you weren’t divine.

*

in the cage of my chest
there lives a small, wild
bird.

when you and I meet
this bird
hops close
to the door, longing
to fly
to you.

If I set this little bird
free…

will you give
him
a place
in your heart
to land?

*

We move through
a hall of mirrors,
thinking,
“with all these people here,
what a busy place!”

With some we fight and yell,
with some we bargain for love,
but no one, it seems,
gets
quite
close
enough
to touch
our loneliness.

We move through a hall
of mirrors
full of strangers, misfits, saints,
feeling lost and scared,
asking,
has anyone seen my
mommy?
daddy?
lover?
asking,
does anyone know
where
God
Is?

*

what could be difficult?
the whole universe
is resting
on a single word
from you:

” I ”

*

you have to check all the big stuff before boarding
your flight Home.
spiritual books?
tapes?
techniques?
There’s definitely
no room
for
those.
*

honey tastes sweeter
than kerosene
unless
you are a candle;
longing
to
e x p l o d e
into
Light
*

on the razors edge
of this Moment
there is no room
for sinners

or saints.

*

I stopped dating
when I began
to get really serious
about Love.
*

a jewel
sits quietly
beneath it’s sparkle,
offering up both.
don’t make the mistake
of pawing the air.
*

don’t worry:
a million years
of selling yourself
far too cheaply
can be reclaimed
with one good
temptation
- ignored -

*

do you think
God ever sits quietly
in the woods
listening
to wolves
singing to the moon?

or do you think He only listens to us humans
howling up at Him
night and day?

*

I was caught by
the piercing cry of a hawk
over the house this morning,
suddenly ashamed
of my foolish

separation

*

a caterpillar isn’t saying no
to the world
when he climbs into a cocoon.
he’s saying yes
to the really
sweet
stuff.
*

don’t say no
when a flower
wants to kiss
you.

*

this Universe
is a laughing,
playing,
perfect
child.
I wouldn’t change a hair
on her head.

*

if you tell me
I have to chant, meditate,
follow codes of behavior
in order to know God,
you’ll break my heart;
how could my beloved
be that far away?

*

I started forgetting about other women when
the Universe
slipped her hands
down my pants…

*

relationship is the need
to assert duality.

*

bliss?
truth?
enlightenment?
show me a hand
that can hold these things.

*

a little boy
spent an afternoon
happily building
a sandcastle.
when the tide began to come in
and wash it away
the little boy cried,
My castle! My castle!

I noticed he was not crying,
my sand! my sand!

*

I’m just saying…

 
…

 
There was a little bird who could not fly,
no matter how hard it flapped it’s wings.
Another bird, flying past
saw this dilemma and said,
“Let go of the tree!”

 
…

 
Between you and the Beloved,
there is not a gap wide enough even
for a single human hair…

 
…

 
In the last minutes of twilight,
the sweeping rains have abated;
All around, birds take the chance
to sing a quick
evening song…

 
…

 
Once a great comet
was traveling through our solar system,
on a journey to gain wisdom.

As it neared our Sun
it began to feel the tremendous power and heat
of His flaming corona.

The comet was puzzled by this
and called out a question,

“Brother Sun, how is it that you are not burnt up
by these terrible flames that surround you?”

The Sun turned to the comet and explained,

“Dear brother, if i were to separate
from these flames even a single hair’s breadth,
I would be burnt up in an instant.
Therefore I always stay completely at one with them.

Without separation,
these flames have no power to burn me.”

 
…

 
The wind moves the trees
to and fro, makes them speak…
In this way they are just like people.

But trees never get any silly ideas
like “I” and “you”.

 
…

 
Saw a cement curb today
which suddenly spoke
“I am no different from you.”

There was no one left to answer.

 
…

 
A whale and a seabird met
on the surface of the ocean.
The bird looked him up and down and said,
“You may be big, but I can fly.”

The whale laughed and said,
“What do you think I’m doing?”

 
…

 
I fought my way to the top
of a tall mountain…
the little bird
sitting there
was  unimpressed.

 
…

 
To make room for the Guest
we’ve got to get everything out of this mansion.
And when the last thing is gone,
the mansion itself
disappears

 
…

 
Staying utterly still,
while moving an entire Universe.
the Beloved knows plenty
of tricks like this.

 
…

 
You have the thumbprint of the Creator
on you.
When that thumbprint is erased
You are gone
and the Creator is gone.

If you were to play hide and seek
with the Divine,
to hide
you would need to steer clear

of every
single
vibrating
atom

…

Spirituality doesn’t require
we give up our minds,
our individuality,
our unique contribution to this Universe.

It only requires that we wake
from our dreams
of separation.

…

How could the Beloved be far away,
when She is right now holding
your arms and legs in their rightful place?

This is not meant as metaphor;
The intelligence inherent in every form
is the very presence of That.

…

It is not a dream that God exists.

The dream
is that She isn’t with us
every
single
moment…

…

It is a spiritual law that God must fill
every empty place
in this universe
with Himself.

Every square inch is empty.

…

Have we misplaced the Beloved?

While the very air
is thick with
Her?

…

On the edge of an empty parking lot
a tiny fragment of dried leaf,
laying on the asphalt,
is singing God’s name

just like
every other thing.

…

Are you looking for the Beloved?

If you could stop the air
from touching your skin
then,
maybe,
you could free yourself
from Her embrace…

…

When the earth holds up
even Mount Everest,
why would we ever think
she would not also
hold
us?

…

After reading so many spiritual books
I found the answer was as simple as this:
Can I allow the earth to simply hold me?
Can I allow my body to simply breathe?

…

In his mansion, the Master is never far away.
How then could God be far away,
from every particle, every quark
of this world?

This universe is
the very mind of God

Every atom is That.

…

God has lowered a periscope into this world,
to see what’s going on here.
This periscope has eyes, ears,
a heart and mind,
and a name;
Your name.

…

I recently broke both of my ankles;
rather badly too.

I was glad to hear the rest
of the Universe
was unharmed.

…

Sometimes Life
hatches
the egg
which we all carry
in our chests

Once that wild Bird is set free
She can never go back

…

Have no doubt
the Beloved loves you
completely
unconditionally.

If that Great Heart ever had a shell
it was irrevocably
broken open
long ago.

…

It can be difficult
to get face to face
with a movie star,
or the President of the United States,
but with the Creator of this entire universe,
no appointment is necessary.

…

With a silent mind came the experience
that nothing had changed,
yet everything was now sitting
exactly
in it’s rightful place.

Every thing in the world
was filled with deep significance,
yet nothing happening
anywhere
was a big deal.

…

This morning, there was no veil to stop
the thundering
beauty

of a passing
dragonfly

…

For years I wondered if my Teacher
was maybe ignoring me,
just a little bit.
Then one day I realized it was I
who was shutting him out

imagining
we were
two.

…

This morning my consciousness
expanded beyond my skin,
merging
with a passing

chicken

…

Sometimes it happens now,
that the Beloved approaches me,
taps my shoulder, and says
wanna play?

…

-The Modern Lovers

“The voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

-Marcel Proust

Since I’ve written a number of blog posts describing my one year old son having “attached astral entities” removed from him by a “spiritual healer”, I figured I ought to write a little something to explain just “what I’ve been smoking” over here. If I don’t explain, I worry that some people will be disturbed by these ideas, and others will think I’m one deluded hippy over here. Now, let’s be clear; I probably am one deluded hippy over here, but for other reasons than this, my friends.

Okay, that was a joke.

So what the heck are attached astral entities? What is the astral plane? Well, I’ve actually had a fair amount of experience with these things over the years, and at first these experiences seemed as strange and far out as anything I’d ever experienced, but gradually, over time I found a way to put these things into a perspective which is balanced, grounded and healthy. Traditionally, the people who knew about this stuff didn’t share this information with the general public, but times are changing.  Spiritual information that was once hidden is now being made available to the public, and I think the spiritual understanding of our society has developed enough in the last 20 years that this information is not going to be harmful to anyone.

Sweet 16

My own experience with the astral plane started when I was 16 years old and living in a meditation ashram under the guidance of an Indian Guru and meditation master. This particular summer I was given a new work assignment, and was paired up with a guy who I’ll call “KL”, to assist him doing work around the many large buildings on the ashram grounds.

As we worked together during the day we often had long discussions on spiritual topics, and after a few days of getting to know me, KL confided that he possessed psychic abilities and sometimes gave psychic readings to people. He asked if I wanted one. I was intrigued. I said sure, why not? And so at the end of that work day we wandered off to the edge of a quiet pond, and as twilight gathered around us, KL proceeded to tell me stuff. I no longer remember what he said that first time, this happened almost 25 years ago after all, but I do remember I found it somewhat interesting.

There was however, something big holding me back from really getting into the experience.  I have a really skeptical, critically-thinking, scientifically-oriented mind, and I was having a hard time taking anything KL said seriously. The over-riding question in my mind was, first and foremost, “Is this guy’s self-proclaimed psychic ability real or not?” I wasn’t going to just take his word on faith alone. I needed proof, and until I got proof, everything he said seemed suspect.

I realized I would need to somehow test him, to see if his psychic abilities were real, and I had an idea. I thought up a particular sentence related to a particular person in my life, and I decided that if he told me that particular sentence about that particular person, then he truly was psychic.

As he continued giving me the reading, I repeated this “test sentence” in my mind, and waited to see if he would “hear” it telepathically and repeat it back to me. I waited and waited. He kept talking but he didn’t speak my test sentence back to me. Finally, I decided he might need a little prompting, so I asked him what he saw in connection with that particular person that my test sentence was related to. He thought for a moment, and a puzzled look came over his face. He said he didn’t know why, but he was being told to say something very specific about that person. He then repeated my test sentence back to me, word for word.

I was immediately satisfied that he had passed my test, and I started paying closer attention to what he was telling me! At the end of this first little reading he told me that he could sense that I had strong psychic abilities, and if I wanted to, he would show me how to use them. I was excited to hear this, and I agreed.

Now, living in the ashram was already a magical and fascinating experience for me, pretty much on a daily basis, but that particular summer, living in the ashram AND secretly learning and working with KL… well, to this day that summer was hands down the most magical, fascinating time of my entire life. It seemed that for me, for that one summer, the normal rules governing reality were suspended, and all kinds of freaky and exciting things started happening!

As I worked with KL and learned to perceive things with my budding psychic abilities, a really big shock came to me: I discovered that all around us was another dimension of reality, another “world”, which was invisible to us most of the time, and yet was interacting with, and influencing our world all the time. KL explained that this new dimension of reality I was perceiving was called the “astral plane.” The thing that made the astral plane most interesting to me was it was absolutely jam-packed with life. Exploring the astral plane was like snorkeling over a tropical reef, or visiting a rainforest teeming with strange creatures. It was exciting! I began to perceive that all around us, there were beings of all shapes and sizes. I saw plenty that were humanoid in appearance, and I saw plenty more that were really hard to describe. Some were small and some could fill an entire lake. Some of these things seemed more like creatures from a sci-fi movie than anything we have here on earth. And just like people and other animals on earth, some astral beings were friendly and some were not; some were intelligent and some were not; some had positive intentions, and some had negative intentions; some were harmless and some were really powerful, and it was not always easy to judge which was which just by looking at them!

My Worldview gets Dismantled

Needless to say these first weeks with KL were utterly and completely mind-blowing. If you’ve ever been told some radical piece of information that blew your mind, that made you reel, as you stood blinking for a few seconds, unable to process the vastness of the paradigm shift that just came over you, well, I was experiencing that kind of thing at least twice a day! Sometimes it literally felt like my head was going to explode! Before this summer, I thought I more or less knew what the universe was like and what was going on here, but as this summer progressed, I found more and more that I didn’t know squat! My world was rearranging so fast I could barely keep up. I found myself staring straight into a mystery which just seemed to get bigger and bigger the more I looked.

My mind was not expanding, however, without a fight. As KL and I worked together that summer, I kept being plagued by big doubts. As I said before, I have a naturally skeptical, critical mind, and some of the stuff we were seeing and doing was just too far out! I had never heard of any of this before. In fact, even in the ashram this kind of thing wasn’t taught or spoken about in any open way. From my perspective, our explorations of the astral plane were just a bizarre (and amazing) thing that KL and I were doing. I didn’t know there was already a large body of knowledge which described the same experiences we were having. I naively thought we were discovering it all for the first time! I thought it was only KL and I experiencing this, and I kept worrying that we were somehow deluding ourselves. And yet every time I was about to decide that this must be self-delusion, something would happen to prove that we were interacting with a real, independently observable, objective reality.

Still, because of the nature of my mind, the doubts continued to gnaw away at me. Eventually I decided it was time to write my Guru a letter, tell her everything that was going on, and ask for her judgment of whether this was real or I was going crazy. I carefully wrote down all the experiences we’d been having, and honestly, that must have been one extremely strange letter to read, even for a Guru! A few days after delivering the letter one of the ashram monks approached me and told me that our Guru had asked him to speak with me. We found a quiet place and had a long conversation. He basically confirmed what I was experiencing was really happening. Evidently I was not going crazy.

Two worlds, Interconnected

As I mentioned above, the more I opened my psychic vision, the more I began to perceive that there was this “astral plane”, filled with astral beings, all around us, all the time. Furthermore, I found that lots of these beings were aware of our world and interacted with it. Or to be more precise, they interacted with the astral level of our world. You see, our world exists on both the physical plane and the astral plane simultaneously. A tree, for instance, has a physical form, that you see with your physical eyes, and it also has a corresponding astral form, which you can see with your psychic vision. This same thing holds true for people; you have a physical body, and you also have a corresponding astral body. You have a pair of physical eyes which see the physical world, and you have a pair of eyes in your astral body, which are right now seeing the astral world [in fact, perceiving the astral world is really just a matter of learning to shift your attention from your physical senses to your astral senses.]

There is a correlation between what is happening to our physical and astral bodies, but it is not exact. Most often we are only very vaguely aware of something that is happening to our astral body. For instance, ever get into a bad mood for no reason? What I discovered investigating the astral plane, is there is ALWAYS a reason for the seemingly “random” moods we have, it’s just that sometimes the reason is happening on a level of reality that we are not paying any attention to… Because our physical and astral bodies each live on different planes of reality, with a different set of rules, and within a different set of circumstances, they are not in exact alignment with each other, but they do influence one another. Here is an example: Suppose you see someone across the room and for some mysterious reason, they really grab your attention; you find yourself really attracted to them. On the physical level you might appear to be ignoring each other, but on the astral level you can be communicating intensely with each other! The strong attraction you are feeling is often due to the intensity that is happening between you on the astral plane.

Our physical world has a corresponding reality on the astral plane, but the reverse is not necessarily true: not everything that exists on the astral plane has a physical form on earth. And that brings us a step closer to understanding astral entities: they are beings which exist on the astral plane only, and are interacting with our astral body in order to get something from us. Most of the time our physical-level personalities have no idea that this is even happening, although we do feel the effects.

Like attracts Like

One simple way I saw certain kinds of astral beings interacting with people was this: when I was in a negative mood I would often notice a few similarly negative astral beings hanging out nearby, watching me. The more negative I was, the closer these beings would approach me. Likewise, if I was in a clear and loving mood, these negative beings would scatter, and I would attract the presence of “higher” astral beings, ones who’s astral form was vibrating at a higher frequency (these beings were also harder to perceive sometimes, since they weren’t as “dense”).

Follower Entities

Another way I saw astral beings interacting with humans, was that some people had astral beings following them around wherever they went. Often these “follower” beings would stick very close to the human, and often there was some communication going on between them, although the human would not usually be consciously aware of it. In these cases it was usually apparent that the follower being was not a helpful influence.

It wasn’t uncommon for the follower being to be a deceased family member or distant relative, who for some reason was hanging around, trying to influence the person’s life. Often these beings were trying to be helpful but were clearly harassing the object of their attention. One typical example is a woman I saw who had the spirit of a dead female relative (looked like her grandmother, mother or aunt) following her around everywhere she went, constantly whispering in her ear, trying to influence the woman’s behavior. Witnessing this first hand, it was very clear that this deceased relative was harassing the woman, well-intentioned though she might have been. At the very least she was interfering with the woman’s free will by constantly trying to pressure her into acting a certain way.

One of the surprising things about removing follower beings from people, was that people were often very attached to them being there, even if their influence was overtly negative. People often seemed accustomed to being nagged, controlled or manipulated, even seemed to be comforted by it, and didn’t want the bothersome spirit to go away! I remember getting into an actual tug-o-war once, trying to pull an over-controlling relative off of some poor guy. The guy was fighting to keep the relative in place, since he was deeply attached to her. I wouldn’t give up, so it turned into a wrestling match. The reason for my obstinacy was I had seen psychically that this entity was keeping the guy trapped in an old, tired routine, and wasn’t allowing him to grow up and be strong and independent. I had therefore decided to get rid of her, so this man could be free. After some struggle I wrestled the bothersome relative away and sent her “into the light”, but the guy I’d helped completely flipped out! He was totally furious and heart-broken! I can still remember his wailing cry for her to come back; it pierced my heart, and shook me up. This really wasn’t the response I was expecting to get from helping people! Was I doing something wrong? Later I realized yes, I was. It just wasn’t okay to mess with with others’ free will like this. Removing those entities from people’s space without their permission was a violation, even if those entities were clearly not helpful… Oops… Live and learn.

Attached Entities

As we continued to explore the astral plane, I began to notice yet another way that astral entities were interacting with people, and this was by far the nastiest way I’d seen so far. I saw that some entities were actually attached to people, were actually holding on to them and riding piggy-back wherever they went. Have you ever heard the phrase, “He’s got a monkey on his back”? I sometimes wonder if this phrase came from someone who was perceiving the astral plane, because most often I saw entities clinging to people’s backs. These things were clearly parasitic, and were definitely not pretty to look at! They often looked roughly humanoid, but not exactly human. They seemed to feed off of certain emotions in their human host , and would even do things to provoke the human to have those emotions. For instance, if the attached entity fed off of anger, then it would often be seen doing things to provoke anger and conflict in its host.

beings feed on other beings

This may sound creepy, but if you think about it, all animals do this, ourselves included; we consume the energy forms of other beings, plant and animal, as our food. If you eat milk or cheese, then somewhere there is a barn full of cows who have fluids taken from them for you to consume… There are also plenty of examples of outright parasitism here on earth, so really it isn’t so bizarre that this is also happening on the astral plane. You might even say it’s “natural” I suppose. However, it might be natural to get tapeworms, but that doesn’t mean they are good for you, or that you won’t fight to get rid of them! And fight them is just what KL and I decided to do…

Goin’ on a Bug-Hunt!

As KL and I began to notice these parasitic, obviously detrimental entities attached to people, we had some discussions about it, and eventually it seemed obvious that we needed to do something about it. We resolved to figure out how to get these entities off of people! And thus began the “Bug Hunt” of 1987! However, removing them turned out to be trickier than we thought… Attached entities were much more difficult to remove from people than the follower entities had been.

As you can imagine, without any “user manual” or guidance on how to remove an entity, we started with the simplest idea first: grab an arm or a leg and pull that sucker off! This didn’t work so well! For one thing, this tended to put the entity into a fighting mood, and they could be nasty. For another thing, these entities were experts at clinging tenaciously to a host, and they had a tendency to latch right on to you once you’d pulled them off someone else. Getting them off of yourself could be even more difficult. It was often like wrestling with the proverbial “tar-baby”. Not only that, they had an excellent ability to fog up the mind of their host and become difficult to perceive. I don’t know how they did this exactly, but it was effective. This meant that in a fight, they could fairly quickly fog up our psychic ability to perceive what was happening on the astral plane. Losing awareness of the astral plane while wrestling with an entity is not fun. It’s like falling asleep in the middle of fighting an angry bobcat. It’s really not a good idea! That’s where having a partner really helped, because more than once KL had to get me out of a jam, and vice versa. However, we often did solo work, and that’s where we tended to get a little messed up. Luckily, any injuries we sustained could be fairly quickly repaired -another advantage of the astral plane.

Eventually we developed more sophisticated methods for removing attached entities from people, and once we got it down, it was like magic! The people we anonymously helped often exhibited a huge improvement almost immediately! We felt very good about this work, because it was clearly making a major difference for people. We thought we were really on to something here! We might even be able to heal the world!!! However, we soon came to realize that there was a catch.

The catch was this: it didn’t last… We would remove entities from someone, they would improve dramatically, and within a week we would notice them sliding back downhill. So we would scan them psychically to see what the problem was, and sure enough, their entities would be back. This kept happening, but we didn’t give up. Instead we re-doubled our efforts and tried even harder to find a way of permanently getting rid of the entities, and I mean we really tried to get rid of them! We tried dismembering them, incinerating them, dissolving them, sending them into higher dimensions, into lower dimensions, or imprisoning them on the far side of the universe. We tried everything we could think of, but no matter what we did, people would somehow have new entities of a similar type back in place in just about a week.

What about Bob?

Here is an actual example of one of our attempts to help a guy with heavy entity attachments. There was a man living in the ashram who was a nice enough guy, but also somewhat strange. I’ll call him “Bob”.

Bob was a loner, kept to himself, and seemed sort of muddled. He rarely made eye contact when you spoke to him, and he tended to ramble a bit when he talked. He did maintenance work on the buildings, and you would often see him ambling along, muttering to himself under his breath. In fact, he muttered to himself almost constantly, unless speaking to someone else. He also had a funny way of walking and standing; he carried his upper body turned to one side just a bit and his head would lean slightly to one side. He was essentially similar to the various “touched” people we’ve all come into contact with at times in life; nice enough, but strange… One day KL decided to scan Bob’s astral body. Not surprisingly, he found some powerful astral entities attached to him, so he went to work on them…

The next day when we got together, KL told me that he’d done a major entity-removal healing on our strange friend Bob, and he asked me to scan the guy psychically and relate what I saw. When I looked I saw that Bob’s astral body was clear, bright and healthy. I didn’t see any entities on him. I told KL he looked really good, and he nodded his head in agreement. Then he suggested we go find him, and see if we noticed anything different about him in person.

We set out to find Bob, and it wasn’t long before we found him standing and talking to another guy. As we approached we were already amazed! For one thing, he was dressed much neater and nicer than he normally was, as if he had suddenly started caring more about his appearance. Another big difference we could spot from a distance was that he was no longer standing with his customary twist and tilt. He was standing in an aligned, balanced and face-forward manner, talking and laughing with the other person. When he laughed there was a hearty bass note to his voice which I had never heard before. He had a big grin on his face, and was talking with more volume than I’d ever heard him use. He seemed totally present, clear, in his power and engaged with the other person! We were stunned at the change! You would just not believe it was the same person!

We went up and joined in the conversation, while observing him first hand. After a few minutes KL turned to our friend and said, “I can’t quite put my finger on it Bob, but something’s changed in you. You seem really different today. What happened?” Bob smiled and nodded, and then looked thoughtful for a moment and said, “You know, I do feel different today. I feel great. I don’t really know why… maybe it’s these new shoes I’m wearing. They’re really comfortable.” We all looked down at his inexpensive black walking shoes, and KL said, “Yep, those look like good shoes. Maybe that’s it!”

We could barely suppress our laughter! This was just too much! Bob was acting like a completely new man, and he had no idea why, and so he attributed it to the only external thing that was different in his life: his new shoes! We never told him what we’d done of course. We kept our work secret from everyone. Even in a meditation ashram some people might think you were nuts if you started talking about these things…

Over the next few days we kept an eye on Bob, and continued to observe his total transformation. He continued to act from this new grounded, clear and engaged place for about 5 days. Then the muttering slowly started to return, the shuffling step slowly came back, the hearty laughter and big smile faded away again. The entities had returned, or ones just like them… It was quite sad for me really. I really liked the man that was revealed for that one week, and it was sad to see him slipping away again, back into his fog. It was like watching a gray cloud slowly covering the sun. And I was puzzled by it; Why hadn’t it lasted? Why did people seem to bring back entities that had been harming them?

Eventually I came to understand that the answers to these questions are complex, just as complex as any other self-destructive human behavior; why do we stay with people who mistreat us? Why do we engage in activities which are unhealthy for us? Why do we run away from good things, and recreate the same old dramas in our lives? Eventually KL and I realized that we couldn’t help people by anonymously removing their entities. It just wasn’t that simple. There were underlying psychological components that needed to be addressed. People needed to change the mental and emotional patterns which allowed the entities to attach in the first place. Unless people changed themselves, removing the entities would not last…

After that Summer

Amongst the ashram population, way back then, KL and I found that most people didn’t have any entities attached to them. The healer we saw here on Maui recently said that “most people have about 12 entities attached to them”. This is a big difference, and I think the reason lies in the difference of environment. The ashram was a protected and sacred environment, filled with people who were doing lots of spiritual practices every day. These practices raised the frequency of their astral bodies to such a high level that I imagine it was not a comfortable place for attaching entities to hang on to. Living in regular society however, is a totally different environment. The frequency of energy is not nearly so high and pure. It is harder to do as many spiritual practices when you’re living and relating and working to pay the bills.

After I left the ashram I rarely explored the astral plane anymore, unless I was in a class or training specifically for that purpose. One reason I stopped was because my clarity diminished after I left the supportive atmosphere of the ashram and wasn’t doing as many spiritual practices anymore. Returning to society I found my energetic frequency dropping down to match the average frequency of the society around me. This is a natural reaction, and it’s the reason ashrams exist in the first place… Another reason I stopped exploring the astral plane is because I no longer had a psychic buddy to watch my back and help me get out of jams. Messing about on the astral plane without strong clarity, a high frequency and without backup is a recipe for trouble. It is very easy to find yourself in a situation which is not in your best interest.

Much later I went to a “psychic training” school which taught me tools for getting clear very quickly and raising my frequency so I could work on those levels if I needed to. These were wonderful tools I wish we taught all school children in elementary school. However, it always remain true that life can kick your butt no matter how many wonderful tools you have. In this last year I found it difficult to meditate, and then I totally lost my psychic clarity during my experience of breaking my legs, spending time in the hospital on heavy drugs, and then being disabled and heavily medicated, etc. These events overwhelmed me, and I truly got my butt kicked. My mind got really clouded and my frequency got so low that I ended up with 11 entities on me when I went to the healer a month ago. On a positive note, it has been so much easier to meditate and clear my energy since I received that healing.

Science and Spirituality need to date.

I hope I’ve managed to communicate a broad overview of the astral plane and astral entities by relating some of my experiences here. The stories I’ve shared here are just the tip of the iceberg, and honestly are somewhat pedestrian compared to much else that went down that summer. Trust me, there was a reason why I was having a hard time believing it! I hope to eventually write about those other experiences too… I also do understand how crazy all this can sound if you’ve never had any first-hand experience of this before, and if you primarily see the world through the popular “mechanistic materialist” worldview that we’ve all been taught by our current society. This astral stuff sounded crazy to me originally, and it was only through repeated, verifiable experiences that my mind gradually began to accept it, and even then there were lingering traces of doubt! Really though, the astral plane is not inherently “unscientific”. To me it’s just another part of nature. A part of nature that is currently invisible to science, but natural and real nonetheless. At the same time, I do see that there is generally a ton of confusion and culture-specific baggage attached to the subject of the astral plane and to spirituality in general. This confusion and baggage is brought by the very people who do believe in it and experience it. Well, after all, human beings are still a very young race, and we’ve got a big future ahead of us. I hope that one day spiritual folks will be more careful about projecting superstition onto spiritual realities, just as I hope that one day our scientists will open their minds to the experience of realities outside of the narrow confines of mechanistic materialism.

Further Reading

One really big confirmation moment happened for me only a couple years after I left the ashram and was living in California. I was at a friend’s house and happened to notice an extremely “new-agey” looking book on his coffee table. At that time I thought I knew absolutely everything about everything related to spirituality, and so I loved picking up spiritual books, reading until I found a flaw or error, and then setting the book down again with disdain (and enjoying my feelings of spiritual superiority!) This day it was “Hands of Light” by Barbara Brennan that I picked up, and judging by the hippy-looking cover I thought for sure it wouldn’t take me long to find all sorts of stupid things in there. When I started flipping through the pages however, something else happened instead. My jaw dropped open. I was stunned. In the book were color illustrations and descriptions of things I had only otherwise seen on the astral plane, exploring with KL. This was a big day for me. It confirmed so much, and finally I had found my “users manual”. If you are interested in exploring this topic further, I highly recommend Barbara Brennan’s work. She doesn’t discuss entities in her books (because she didn’t want to scare anyone) but she goes into amazing detail about lots of other stuff.

[There are two main systems of zodiacal astrology: Western astrology, the system commonly practiced in Western countries; and Eastern or Jyotish astrology, which is most commonly practiced in India, as part of the Hindu tradition.  This article is a critique of Jyotish astrology]

Forward

I first had my Western natal chart examined when I was about 16 years old.  I was living in an ashram at the time, with an Indian guru,  where we performed spiritual practices and studied philosophies based on the Hindu tradition.  I learned enough from this initial chart reading to pique my interest in astrology, and a few years later I began studying Western astrology in earnest, seeking to unlock the mysteries of my own personality and karma.  Now more than two decades later, while still very much a student of Western astrology, I have enough experience and knowledge to hang up a shingle as a ”professional astrologer”.  In this article I am going to discuss the reasons why I do not use the Indian system of astrology, called Eastern or Jyotish astrology.  The short reason is simply that I have not found it to work.  The details behind this lie below.

While reading this article please keep in mind that I am someone who has come to astrology, and spirituality in general, from a background in a Hindu system of yoga, and I consider myself a student in a lineage of Indian gurus.  I think this shows that I don’t have a bias against Hindu systems in general.  My background notwithstanding, I am someone who approaches astrology, and spirituality in general, with an attitude of open-minded skepticism and critical thinking.   I do not accept theories or practices based solely on faith, nor do I follow traditions blindly, just because others do.  Rather, I must eventually see for myself that these systems work before I accept them wholeheartedly.  Within the traditional systems that I have embraced, I continue to discriminate, and I usually find parts that work, and parts that do not work.  I attempt to weed out the non-functioning bits from my own understanding and practice as I go along, discerning the “baby from the bathwater” as it were.  In some cases I have found so much of a system to be non-functioning that I drop it completely.  Jyotish is one such system.  Having approached my brief study of Jyotish with an open, but critical mind, looking for verifiable results, I have found it to be full of non-functioning, cultural debris accumulated over the millennia; full of major inconsistencies; and full of practices that do not produce verifiable results.  I have approached my study of Western astrology with this same critical mind, but contrary to my experience with Jyotish, I have found Western astrology to work well enough, and, while not perfect, to be an extremely powerful and useful system.

What’s the difference?

Before I detail my specific critiques, it will useful to briefly mention a couple of the main differences between Western and Jyotish astrology.  If you already know about the differences, skip down to “What isn’t working”.

One of the greatest differences lies in their zodiac systems.   Western astrology uses the tropical zodiac, while Jyotish relies on the sidereal zodiac.  The tropical zodiac fixes the 12 zodiac signs in relation to the annual cycle of the earth’s orbit around the sun (the solstices and equinoxes), while the sidereal zodiac aligns the 12 zodiac signs with the stellar constellations of the same name.  Due to an astronomical phenomenon (the precession of the equinoxes) these two zodiac systems have moved out of alignment with each other over the last 2000 years. There is about a 23 degree difference in the two zodiacs, and since each sign is 30 degrees, the two systems are likely to give two completely different zodiac signs for the same point.  In other words, a Leo sun in the tropical zodiac will likely be a Cancer sun in the sidereal zodiac.  And a person with a Pisces moon in the tropical zodiac, may well have an Aquarius moon in the sidereal zodiac, and so on.  Since the 12 signs of the zodiac constitute one of the main symbol systems in astrology, a discrepancy as big as this between the two systems is important.  While it is possible that both zodiacs are wrong, it is not possible for them both to be correct, and in my experience it is the sidereal zodiac of Jyotish that is incorrect.  I explain why below.

Another important difference between Western and Jyotish astrology is that Jyotish has not incorporated the more recently discovered outer planets into it’s system (Uranus, Neptune and Pluto).  Although it is hard to imagine why a system of astrology would ignore three of the ten planets in our solar system, I suppose that Jyotish astrologers found these new planets too disruptive to their traditional system and so they chose to exclude them.  Western astrologers on the other hand began studying the astrological influence of these planets immediately following their individual discoveries, starting with Uranus in 1781.  Western astrologers have fully incorporated these planets into their system and have found that these outer planets have a very important and powerful affect on the life of the individual, and on entire generations of people.  Ignoring the existence of these three planets leaves a gaping hole in the understanding of planetary influences in Jyotish astrology.  I explain my experience with this below.

A third major difference between Western and Jyotish astrology is the use of the dasha system by Jyotish astrologers, as one their most important predictive tools.  The dasha system is basically an ancient mathematical formula used to calculate a table of planetary periods which are said to strongly affect one’s life.  This table of planetary periods has no known correlation to any actual astronomical phenomenon, and is as far as we know, completely arbitrary.  In the dasha system, each planet has a period of time assigned to it; a time when that planet’s energies are said to predominate in our experience.   With a thorough understanding of the natal chart, and the use of the dasha system, a Jyotish astrologer is supposed to be able to tell us when big events are very likely to happen in our lives.   Although the dasha system is a cornerstone of Jyotish astrology, in my own experience it is inaccurate enough to be totally useless. I explain my reasons for thinking so, below.

Aside from these three rather large differences, Western and Jyotish astrology also differ in many smaller ways.  The two systems share the same ancient roots, but have grown into very different forms over the millennia.  Western astrology grew up in the company of some of the greatest skeptical, revolutionary, philosophical and scientific minds of the West, whereas Jyotish astrology evolved in the atmosphere of the strict, traditional, Brahmin priest caste of India.  Evidence of these differing backgrounds is everywhere in the two systems.  Western astrology is relatively streamlined and up to date with current astronomical and psychological understanding.  Jyotish astrology on the other hand is filled with hundreds of ancient, conflicting formulas and methods with strong cultural elements and biases and an overall attitude of medieval fatalism.  Jyotish appears to have concerned itself more with preserving and accumulating tradition rather than breaking new ground and evolving along with the latest discoveries of the day.  By contrast, Western astrology was often fostered and practiced by the very people who were making the biggest scientific discoveries of the day, such as Galileo, Copernicus, Newton and Kepler.  It is my opinion that a rigid adherence to tradition has put a stranglehold on Jyotish astrology, and caused it to become increasingly irrelevant.  However, my view is not based solely on a theoretical argument.  My view is based on my own first-hand experience with Jyotish, as you will see below.

What isn’t working

I will now describe my own experience with some of the key, non-functioning elements of Jyotish astrology.  These key elements are the main reason I no longer consider Jyotish to be a useful, well-functioning system of astrology.

Strike one

Perhaps the most damning strike against Jyotish lies in it’s use of the sidereal zodiac, which in my experience is simply not a zodiac which describes the actual position of the 12 zodiac signs.  In other words, it is an inaccurate zodiac system, in contrast to the tropical zodiac used by Western astrology which I have found to be an accurate zodiac system.  Here is why I think that:

After studying Western astrology for 20+ years, and looking at so many birth charts, and correlating those charts with actual people, I (like most experienced astrologers) have developed the ability to recognize the 12 zodiac signs in people’s appearance and personality.  This enables me to, more often than not, accurately “guess” which zodiac sign (or signs) are dominant in a person’s birth chart.  Most often the sign I guess will turn out to be one of their three “primaries” (their sun, moon or rising sign).  I can often make this guess based strictly on the person’s facial shape and structure, without knowing anything about their personality or life.  While it’s not this simple or straightforward with every chart, I have over time, learned what the signs “look like” as expressed in the physical appearance of the face (especially the face of Caucasians, which make up the majority of my astrological associations).

What I often find in comparing the two zodiac systems, is that someone who very clearly expresses the qualities of a particular sign in their facial structure, will have that sign dominant in the Western astrology’s tropical zodiac, but will not have that sign dominant in Jyotish’s sidereal zodiac.  As an example: a woman who I guessed to have Pisces very strong in her chart, ended up having a Pisces ascendant and a Pisces moon in the first house, in the Western zodiac system.  In Jyotish’s sidereal zodiac she had her ascendant and moon in Aquarius.  However, when looking at the tell-tale and very distinctive Piscean features of her face (the large eyes with a gentle, dreamy, slightly world-weary expression, the soft, rounded features of the face, etc.) the woman is clearly and definitely “under the influence” of Pisces.  Her face is just not the face of a person with dominant Aquarius, and weak Pisces.  This is just one of many, many examples.  Therefore, in my estimation, it is the tropical zodiac, not the sidereal, which accurately describes the dominant archetype expressed in this person’s appearance and personality.  This judgment is obviously a subjective one, however, it is a judgment based on 20+ years of astrology, and one that I have been able to confirm countless times, by first guessing what signs were dominant and then looking at the person’s birth chart to see if I was correct or not.

This oft-repeated (and easily repeatable) experiment tells me that the sidereal zodiac is not a zodiac which accurately describes the position of the signs.   If the sidereal zodiac, one of the most basic elements of Jyotish astrology, fails in this regard, then it is of no practical use.  To the contrary, an inaccurate zodiac deeply undermines the effectiveness of Jyotish astrology.

Strike two

A second major strike against Jyotish astrology is it’s failure to recognize the outer three planets in the birth chart of an individual, or in it’s predictive tools.  As I mention above, I am often able to accurately discern what signs are most strongly expressing in a particular individual, and in just the same way I am often able to do this (to a lesser degree) in regard to the planets.  In other words, I can often make an accurate guess when I detect that a particular planetary energy is showing up very strongly in someone’s appearance and personality.  I am not able to guess a dominant planet as often as a dominant sign, because of the different nature of the signs and the planets (a discussion of which is beyond the scope of this article).  When I am able to detect a very dominant planetary energy in a person, it is usually when the given planet is laying directly on (conjunct) the person’s ascendant or midheaven, or is in tight, hard aspect to the sun (by conjunction or opposition).

The point I am working towards, is that I have found people who express a very dominant outer planet energy in their appearance and personality, whereas Jyotish does not recognize this energy in people.  As an example, I met a person who I saw to have an extremely strong expression of Pluto energy, only to find out later that she has Pluto conjunct her ascendant (making Pluto very strong in her chart).  When I observed this person I very clearly saw that she strongly embodies and expresses the archetypal energies of Pluto.  The problem I have with Jyotish, therefore, is that Jyotish does not even recognize the existence of Pluto in this person’s chart, therefore failing to recognize the most dominant planetary energy in her personality, her life and her astrology chart.  How effective and useful can Jyotish be if it can not recognize the dominant planetary energy of a person like this Pluto person in my example?  This is a major failure of Jyotish astrology.

Strike three

My last criticism of Jyotish concerns it’s use of the dasha system.  When I first started studying Western astrology in earnest, I also began studying Jyotish and it’s cornerstone predictive tool, the dasha system.  I was eager to discover what the dasha system could tell me about the planetary periods affecting my own life.  I carefully drew up a time-line of major events that had happened in my life, and I compared this time line to the table of dashas I had calculated for my own birth chart.  What I found was simply this: nothing.  I could not get the dasha system to match up with any of the most significant events in my life.  Because there are many (conflicting) methods within Jyotish for calculating one’s dashas, I thought I must be using the wrong method of calculation.  I therefore experimented with all of the most commonly used methods for calculating dashas, and none of them yielded any verifiable or useful results.

Since this initial inspection of my dashas over 14 years ago, I have periodically recalculated them to try once again to find some correlation with my actual life.  In all these years, and using all of the most popular methods, and the most accurate calculation software, I still have not found ANY significant correlation whatsoever.   The traditional use of the dasha system as one of the cornerstones of Jyotish astrology may also explain in part why Jyotish has never incorporated the more newly discovered outer three planets.  For, to incorporate three new planets would require completely redrawing the dasha system, and to do that would be difficult, since no one seems remember how the dasha system was calculated in the first place.  Furthermore, a completely redrawn dasha system would invalidate the accuracy of the current system, which uses only the first seven planets.

Because the dasha system is such a major and fundamental tool in Jyotish astrology, this lack of correlation between the dasha system and actual events in my life, is a major strike against Jyotish.

[In contrast to the Jyotish dasha system, the major tool used in Western astrology to describe significant planetary periods affecting one's life is by observing planetary transits to one's natal chart.  Planetary transits describe the real-time movements of the planets in space, which are then correlated to an individual birth chart.  One of the planetary transits said to give the most powerful, life-changing results are Saturn's transits. It is worth mentioning here, that when I compared the same time line of major life events with a time line of major Saturn transits, I found an almost exact match.]

In a nutshell

Basically, I have found that Jyotish fails in some of the most basic ways that an astrology system must not fail if we are to consider it a  well-functioning system. I have found Jyotish to be using an incorrect zodiac,  to arbitrarily ignore three of the planets in our solar system, and to use a predictive tool (the dasha system) which is so inaccurate as to be useless.

I could make many more less important critiques of Jyotish, and I must say in all honesty that I could also make many less important critiques of Western astrology.  However, while not perfect, I find Western astrology to function well enough to consider it a very useful and well-functioning system.  I cannot say the same of Jyotish.

Defenses of Jyotish examined

I have heard many, many defenses of Jyotish over the years but none of them have meant much to me when weighed against my own experience of the basic failures of the system, as described above.  One of the more common defenses that I have heard about Jyotish is that it is an astrological system describing the person’s “soul level”, rather than their human level, which is attributed to Western astrology.  This purely theoretical defense of Jyotish does have the benefit of being completely unverifiable, since no Jyotish astrologer that I’ve ever met was able to verify their client’s “soul level”, whatever that might mean.

The most impressive support of the effectiveness of Jyotish that I have come across is the testimony of many people who have had readings with a particular Jyotish astrologer, who accurately predicted the timing of many of their life’s major events, long before they happened.  For instance, these people were told by said astrologer, the exact age when they would have their children, how many they would have and what sexes they would be, as well as about future losses and gains in finances, jobs, relationships, etc.  As the years went by these people found this astrologer’s predictions to transpire like clockwork.  The accuracy of these predictions are certainly impressive (although I’m less sure how helpful the predictions were to the clients involved).  These predictions would appear to support the effectiveness of Jyotish, but I think this evidence can be misleading.  For instance, I know of many psychics who can accurately describe and predict events in a stranger’s life without the use of astrology or any divination method whatsoever.  These psychics are able to pluck detailed information, seemingly, out of thin air.

I also know of many psychics who work with a divination system (such as astrology, tarot, palm reading, etc) but who seem to get so much detailed information from these systems that one ends up wondering whether these people aren’t merely using the system as a support, while the bulk of their reading comes directly from their own psychic abilities; again, plucking the information out of thin air.

My point here is that getting an accurate reading from a Jyotish astrologer is not necessarily a proof of the effectiveness of Jyotish astrology.  It may be a proof rather of the astrologer’s own psychic abilities.  In my own practice of Western astrology, I often use my intuitive perception to boost my understanding of a person’s natal chart, but I have found that Western astrology can stand on it’s own very well, without any help from my intuition.

I don’t mean to imply that all of Jyotish is wrong or faulty.  However, the errors I mention above are fatal ones, in my opinion, and they do amount to a system crash in Jyotish astrology.

The Remedy

In my own astrology practice, I don’t like to mention a difficulty in a person’s birth chart without also mentioning a corresponding remedy, so I will do the same thing in this article.  Although I don’t find Jyotish, as it stands today, to be functioning well enough to be useful to me, I don’t mean to imply that it has nothing valuable to offer the field of astrology.  Very few things in life, I have found, are that cut-and-dried; that black and white.  I stopped studying Jyotish years ago, after finding the discrepancies mentioned above, so I am by no means an expert on the breadth and depth of Jyotish.  However, I feel sure that there is much of value in the enormous body of traditional lore that constitutes Jyotish.  Therefore, the remedy I would offer Jyotish is this:

A) Have a garage sale and a house-cleaning.  In other words, start getting rid of everything that doesn’t work (starting with those hundreds of conflicting “yogas”!)

B) Switch to the tropical zodiac.  Sorry, but there is no gentler way to say it.

C) Incorporate the outer three planets.  This one is obvious.  And if the dasha system (and other “yoga” formulas) won’t work with the outer three planets incorporated, then get rid of them!  The dasha system (and “yoga” formulas) are conjecture, the existence of the outer three planets is not.

D) And perhaps most importantly, shift the culture of Jyotish from one that inflexibly preserves traditions at all costs (Jupiterian?) to one that is flexible and innovative (Uranian?).   My personal motto applies here: let reality change our beliefs (even the cherished ones), don’t let our beliefs change reality.

This I believe, is the path back to growth, relevance and aliveness for Jyotish astrology.

My reasons for writing this critique

Although I imagine my experience with Jyotish astrology is a common one, I believe there is a form of social politeness which prevents many Western astrologers from critiquing Jyotish astrology and bringing up the points that I mention above. I have felt reluctance to bring these points up myself with friends who are Jyotish astrologers.  After all, it is never a comfortable thing to challenge another person’s cherished belief system.  And if one must do it, then one must do it with sensitivity and with the best of intentions.  In addition to this, all Western astrologers have felt the sting of non-acceptance and ridicule, at one time or another, in our culture which is dominated by dualistic, scientific materialism.  Perhaps this also explains why Western astrologers are reluctant to criticize a kindred branch of astrology.

In writing this article, I am addressing the problems that I see with Jyotish in order to further the study and understanding of astrology in general.  It is not my intention to insult or disparage anyone practicing or “believing in” Jyotish astrology.  To the contrary, I have great faith and confidence in the brilliance of the human mind and spirit, despite the easy human tendency to adopt, get bogged down in, and promote erroneous beliefs.

I am also writing this article because I am often asked which type of astrology I practice.  Usually I say simply that I practice Western astrology and I leave it at that.  Sometimes I am asked about Jyotish, and I feel a duty to explain why I do not also practice Jyotish.  I have made that explanation clear with this article, so I can now refer people here if they want to know my reasons.

It was late April, 1989. I was 2 ½ months into a 6 month journey. My friend Connie and I had decided to return to India for a good, long soaking in it’s mysterious juices. For me this era was one of painful shedding of old attachments as my dearest friend, Joe Don, had died unexpectedly in a motor-cycle accident the previous September. (Actually “friend” doesn’t quite capture our relationship. It was so much more. Don’t you think there should be a more extensive vocabulary to differentiate friendships…like Eskimo snowflakes…each with their own texture, pattern, color, style? Maybe as a starter, simply delineate them according to charkas involved. Joe and I had a 4^th, 5^th, 6^th and 7^th chakra relationship with a little bit of the old 2^nd chakra thrown in.)

Connie described me at the time like a new puppy before it’s eyes had opened…a reference, I think, to the fact that I was definitely more internally focused than outwardly. Actually, sometimes the “light” of life was too painful to bear so I shrank back to the recesses of my consciousness. At the point that we begin this sojourn, my head had just been shaved along the banks of the Ganga in Rishikesh …a physical representation of my psychic state…and we were planning a trip to Gangotri (near the glacier where the Ganga sprouts into being).

As I recall, Connie and I were sitting in a café someplace in Rishikesh which even then was awash with hippies and hangouts. We were discussing how best to travel up into the Himalayas when a woman seated nearby came over and said she, too, was heading that way. As travelers do, we joined forces and decided to share a car together. The date for departure was to be May 8…the first day that the pass would open and allow visitors. Sometime before we left, however, Connie’s boyfriend at the time, Marc Lewis, showed up rather unexpectedly from Austin. Hmmmm…I was not sure what this meant but intuited that it forebode a change of itinerary. Sure enough, they wanted to go off on their own together (understandably) leaving me to sort out my plans. Susan, the Australian woman we were to share a taxi with, offered to travel with me to Gangotri. I had a little trepidation about traveling with a stranger and a little anger at Connie for “abandoning” me but I had no other options on the table so I agreed. I should have known I was in for an adventure when she suggested that instead of taking a car or bus to Gangotri that we WALK instead. Now, I am not exactly sure how far it is from Rishikesh to Gangotrii but it is at least 80 miles…and UP (we are talking Himalayas here). Still, something inside me was curious and I knew at any point I could opt to jump on a bus so I said, “I’m in!”. (I should add that Susan had done this trek before so, I reasoned, if it were too dangerous she wouldn’t be wanting to repeat the experience.)

You know that old saying, “A journey of a 1000 miles begins with one step”? It fully applies here. I believe we took a rickshaw to the outskirts of town, stepped out…and, just like that, started to walk. We were on a road so the going was easy and the incline not too steep. For hours we ambled (no ambitious, Swiss-style hup-hup for us!). About sunset time we came to a small village and Susan knew the temple pujari and his wife. (About now I was realizing that I was in very good hands and began to savor the freedom of it all…a feeling that never left me for the next 2 months.) We spent some time sitting with her friends and their friends, none of whom had ever left this tiny village comprised of a temple, a few houses and a small store. Though I had studied Hindi at Berkeley, my skill was rudimentary and certainly not enough to carry on a proper conversation. Susan, on the other hand, was quite proficient so carried the bulk of the social interactions. (“Yes, we needed a place to sleep and food”… both of which they gladly provided. “No, we didn’t need anything else.” “Where is the toilet”? Etc., etc.) I was pretty much like a child who just smiled and conveyed my gratitude with non-verbal gestures and a bit of basic language now and then. To the ear of the other my few offerings probably sounded like this, “I happy.” “All is good.” “No problem.” “U.S.A.” Frankly, the lack of responsibility suited me just fine given my “puppy-like” state of mind.

Most of you who are reading this know that I have an ability to sleep almost anywhere (a siddhi/power cultivated back in 1969 when my train travels throughout India required many nights on a barren or sack-laden railroad platform as it was not unusual for trains to run 12 or more hours late). This night was no different and I slept on the marble floor of the temple quite soundly.

The next day, after a simple but delicious breakfast and requisite chai, we set off again. There were several days like this, all of which blur together in my memory: walk, rest, take a little lunch at a roadside chai wallah’s, walk some more, find a temple, seek refuge, sleep, wake and repeat again. All quite blissful…simple.

The next spike in my memory bank is the day we reached Ganganani.

Ganganani is not too far from Gangotri and is visited by every bus that passes by. Out pour the pilgrims of every size, shape, age, social standing.. the human cargo…, for a quick dip in it’s “kund” which is a tank filled with spring water emerging from the mountains themselves. It probably has some religious significance but am not sure what it might be. (A side-note here: if you have never observed Indian women bathing in public it is something to behold. Somehow they manage to undress and redress without ever revealing any body part that would arouse the male libido.)

Susan and I were pilgrims no different than the others. We climbed the steps for a dip in the cooling water. And after a thoroughly satisfying bath we settled into a chai shop for a cuppa. As we were moving to leave we passed a darkly shaded room with some indistinguishable people sitting in it. From the darkness I hear, “Sister?” “Hold on”, she said, “Let me go in and pay my respects.” As my eyes adjusted (after invisibly rolling and thinking, “Oh God, another person wanting something from us.”) I could see that it was a sadhu in there, sitting with some devotees, in front of his “dhuni” (basically a fire pit which contains a fire that to the sadhu is the incarnation of Agni…the God of fire. Every sadhu has a dhuni. He worships there, cooks there, meditates there, chants there. The dhuni is SACRED.)

Before long I heard her chattering away, laughing raucously, excited. What could be going on? She emerges to tell me that it is Om Giri Baba, an old friend that she hadn’t seen in over three years! Of all the places in all of the Himalayas and we stopped at this dhuni??? Figure the odds on that one! He invited us to travel with him and his crew. Included in this assortment of humans was a beautiful young Italian girl (whom I believe was the consort of Om Giri), a young boy and another sadhu named Uma Shankar Giri.

The first thing we did was…to stay put. Ganganani was “home” for 3 or 4 days: mostly sitting around, some chanting, bathing in the kund, making meals, some chillum smoking. Actually, for Om Giri there was a LOT of chillum smoking. Again I was non-verbal, just doing what I was told, trying to figure out and follow “protocol” from watching others or having Susan tell me what to do. I do remember that making chapatis took hours…literally hours. First procuring the flour had to be done…sometimes by going to the next village. Then it was mixed slowly and rolled into a big ball. Then it sat there for an indeterminate amount of time. One or more chillums were smoked. Then the chanting commenced. Then small balls were made, then the rolling out began. Finally, cooking. And about 10 at night…we ate. I am not sure whether it was all that waiting or the hash but those meals were fabulous.

Then it was time to leave for Gangotri (determined by what I have no idea). Our motley crew packed up, got ready to go, waited for the bus. About 10 minutes before the bus was due, Om Giri said something and everyone sat down and started unpacking. What was going on?, I asked Susan. She said Om Giri found out it was Thursday and that is bad day to travel (or a holy day or something) so we were going to stay put. A few more days went by of chanting, eating, cooking and the drill started again. Pack up, wait for the bus…only this time we really did leave.

Gangotri was beautiful and filled with adventures of it’s own…climbing the 18 kilometers to Gaumukh, spending time in caves with various other sadhus, sleeping on the ledge of a cliff with a many hundred feet drop off, etc. but these tales will have to wait for another time to be told. After a few weeks Susan and I decided to return to Rishikesh/Haridwar. We had arranged to rent a car and Om Giri asked us if it was ok for Uma Shankar Giri to go with us as he had an eye infection that wasn’t getting better and he wanted to get medical help. Our small but merry band loaded up and down the hill we went.

This was the first time I really paid much attention to Uma Shankar. Mostly he had quietly stayed in the background. Tall and very lean, his matted hair fell past his shoulders…quite handsome. I am guessing he was about 24 years old and, I recently found out, had been initiated into this lifestyle of wandering ascetic/sadhu three years before. I knew very little about him, no conversations were exchanged (he spoke only a few words of English, I only a few more of Hindi) but a friendly relationship developed just the same. There was a sweetness to him. A gentle watchfulness. He called me Laxmi.

U.S.G. in 1989

He lived in a hut on the very outskirts of Haridwar. We deposited him there, made sure he had enough money to get his eye taken care of and went into town to secure a room.

Janine and Susan in U.S.G.'s hut, 1989

Over the next many weeks Susan and I went on several adventures (like walking to Kedarnath, another sacred spot high up in the Himalayas). Only this time Susan insisted we do it like the sadhus i.e. with no sleeping bag only a wool blanket, a change of clothes, toiletries and sandals. My very fine hiking shoes, back pack and warm sleeping bag were “disallowed”. Anyway, between adventures, anytime we were in Haridwar, we would go to visit him in his hut. Every time we came unannounced (how else?) and every time we found his environs impeccably kept…little flowers on his dhuni, touches of beauty everywhere. I had the feeling that every inch of his living space was “conscious”.

One day we were visiting and rather than go back to Haridwar we decided to take a little nap. There were 4 of us in the hut: Susan, me, Uma Shankar and his sadhu friend from the next hut over, Uma Shiva Giri. The heat made sleeping easy and I dozed off. In the hush of the afternoon I was awoken…it was Uma Shankar. He touched my shoulder, looked into my eyes and whispered, “Laxmi, I love you.” His voice was soft. Oh my! How does one explain without language, “Oh you are so sweet. I really care for you but it is not that kind of relationship. You’re a wonderful guy, etc.” ? Or was he merely expressing affection? At that point he took my hand and placed it on his very hard penis!!!! Well, now there was little doubt that he was suggesting something more than tea and biscuits. “12 o’clock”, he said in English. Twelve??? “Sham ko (in the night)”. Uh oh. Not a whole lot happening at midnight in the jungle except…..

This may sound like a crass act to you but honestly it felt…tender. And after all, you have to admit that he managed to get his point across quite effectively (-:

Shaken, but important to say, not feeling assaulted, I tried to gather my thoughts. The others woke up oblivious to what had happened. When we left I told Susan and she immediately said, “You cannot go. It will ruin his life.” (Sadhus are supposed to be celibate but, like Catholic priests, this is the ideal not always the reality.) I have to admit there was something compelling in the offer…remember, I was in a “blank slate” frame of mind….who was to say what was right or wrong? Good or bad?

In the end it was an easy decision to not meet him that night. There were just too many hurdles and unknowns (the logistics of getting out to middle of nowhere, for instance). I lay awake at midnight trying to imagine what was going through his mind…then fell asleep.

Within a few days it was time for me to leave for Kashmir. This was a long planned trip and in no way a reaction to his proposition. When I saw him to say good bye there was no trace of anger or disappointment or guilt, just very loving eye contact…and that was that.

Fast forward 20 years

Haridwar, January 2010, Kumbh Mela

As you all know, I went to the Kumbh Mela…a holy fair of huge proportions. All the holy men of India are meant to be there: the ones that sleep on nails, the ones that pierce their body with swords, the ones that hold their hands in the air for forty years, the ones that never sit down or sleep…as well as the more formally anointed ones who have ashrams and organizations and followings.

And Susan was coming, too! Over the intervening years she had kept up with her relationships with various sadhus. In fact, at the last Kumbh Mela in Allahabad she had “randomly” run into Uma Shankar Giri at a vegetable stand where they were both purchasing their day’s provisions. She firmly believed he would be coming to Haridwar for this Kumbh Mela. In anticipation of maybe meeting him I printed up some of my pictures from back then to share with him.

I had already been in Haridwar for two weeks and no Susan. I knew she was in India but not where and it was beginning to look like we wouldn’t connect. Without her guidance I had no idea where to look for Uma Shankar Giri. I doubt that I would recognize him, even. 20 years is a long time in a sadhu’s life and they don’t tend to age well. It was the day of the Royal Bath, on Shiva Ratri…the culmination and raison d’tre of my visit. Amidst the millions I managed my “dip” in Mother Ganga and emerged truly blissful (how or why such a stressful event can create ecstasy for so many people remains a mystery to me but I was living proof that something happened on that auspicious day).

Higher than a kite from the frenzied, wild, wonderful Royal Bath I went with friends to dinner for a dosa. While sitting there who should enter but Susan!!! This was not as mysterious as it might sound…she had, in fact, gone to my hotel and heard that we were here. Embraces, excitement, love…then Susan says, “I was just with Uma Shankar Giri…and he immediately asked, ‘Where is Laxmi’?” WOW! He remembered me and I was going to get to meet up with him that very night. With Susan as a guide, I and a small group of ashram friends wound our way through the labrynthian streets of Haridwar…past dark stalls selling milk sweets, religious objects, incense, blankets and on and on. Finally we got to a group of tents each inhabited by a sadhu and his dhuni….the fires making everything look primevil and mysterious. With one fell swoop…ta da…there was Uma Shankar Giri, resplendently naked, covered with ash, surrounded by many visiting guests…a sure sign that in his world he was a senior, respected personage. Mind you, there are unwritten rules around the dhuni…decorum prevails. After all these are renunciates not hippies hanging out smoking dope. It was not a jump up and hug each other scene…it was eye contact, a big smile and “Laxmi” softly spoken. I could feel the warmth between us. A recognition of that short time a long time ago…both of us could barely contain ourselves for the recognition that the unlikely event of our paths crossing again had occurred. There was a bit of a hullabaloo as the story was recounted to onlooking guests…20 years, Gangotri, eye infection, Sister (that is what they call Susan) and Laxmi. A chillum (a funnel for smoking hash) was offered but I declined, chai was prepared. There was talk of where he stays now: near Dharamsala in Himachal Pradesh at a Shiva temple, near a river.

U.S.G. and Laxmi, 2010

As we were readying to leave, Susan asked about another sadhu whose cave we had visited together with Uma Shankar Giri all those years ago. He now had a small ashram on the outskirts of Haridwar…right where Uma Shankar Giri’s hut had been…and was very much respected by his “colleagues”. We all agreed to go the next day. Now, big smiles again…and, “We can go in my private car.” he says in Hindi. Very proud but understated, of course.

Over the next few days several visits occurred…the visit to Jagdish Giri (the aforementioned guy with his own ashram), a few evening trips back with some of my ashram friends who wanted to meet a genuine sadhu (two of whom did not the decline the chillum offer and got hilariously stoned). Each time I noticed he was “decked out”. Now this is a subtle thing when you are “sky clad” i.e. naked! For instance, on the day that we came to drive to Jagdish Giri’s I noticed that he had on extra malas (long necklaces…kind of like rosaries) around his neck…one made of high quality rudraksha beads, another of crystal, one of what looked to be pearls. Another night there an especially big log on the fire (wood is very precious and expensive in India…a problem for the many sadhus who rely on it for heat and worship). He always took care to tastefully cover his private parts with a silk cloth or lungi…and he always had fresh ash applied. Another day he had his face painted in a special way. (pictures below). No doubt, he lives in a world very different from my own, but there are courtesies and distinctions in every universe. However you parse these small gestures, suffice it to say I felt honored.

U.S.G. showing off his hair which hasn't been cut in 23 years

And then there was the inevitable good bye visit. “Laxmi should stay.” He said. I smiled knowing it was not meant as such…that it was mostly a gesture of affection. He insisted that I take down his three, yes three, mobile phone numbers. In broken Hindi I said, “But there is nothing we can say…me no Hindi, you no English.” He said, “Koi bad nahi (no problem)…say only, ‘This is Laxmi. Seb tik he (everything is good)’… Bas (that is enough).” My heart was full, this unlikely but genuine friendship had endured though time and space. I waved good bye… and that was that.

Now, as I reflect on the entire series of events…from 1989 to the present… it brings up, again, my ruminations on friendship. Surely this is a “snowflake” of it’s own…not something that is easily captured by one word or descriptor. It is a rare sub-species of the genus, friend. But it has a common element with all of you in my personal “friend” taxonomy…and that is LOVE.

Does Anybody Really Know What’s Going On?

Rowen, just a few hours old...

Our son Rowen was born almost a year ago.  He was a quiet, peaceful baby.  For the first week of his life.  Then the screaming started.  I still remember the first time, I was out on the town with my new family, and my marriage partner, Keesha, had run into the bank while I stayed in the car with Rowen.  It was our very first outing as a family and I was one really proud father.  As we waited in the car for Keesha, Rowen started to fuss.  I got in the back seat and started talking to him gently to see what was the matter, and that’s when it hit me, Rowen’s started screaming so loudly that it was like I was pressing my ear up against the engine of an F-16 fighter jet!  I recoiled in pain and surprise, and then moved back in to help him.  Obviously he needed his diaper changed.  After all, babies only cried when they were hungry or needed their diaper changed, right???  As I attempted to change Rowen’s diaper, he continued screaming super loudly and intensely, he didn’t appear to want me to touch him!  He was writhing away from me and fighting my efforts to see what was the matter.  I couldn’t believe this tiny baby was making this loud of a noise!  It was literally painful to my ears.  It was like getting hit with a taser!  In those next few minutes I felt all of my pride and optimism for my new family come raggedly down in flames around me.  Just what the hell had I gotten myself into here?

And this was just the beginning.  The screaming didn’t stop, it just got worse.  Rowen developed colic at this first week, and here is the way it went: if he was awake, and was not nursing, then he WAS screaming.  He screamed all the time.  Screaming and crying so loudly that it felt like it was causing ear damage.  In fact, I later looked it up online, and found that babies screams can get louder than a power saw, and are definitely loud enough to cause hearing damage.  Rowen was definitely in the “louder than a power saw” category, and so began a new era for me: the era of ear-plugs, iPod ear-buds and  protective ear-muffs.

Thank God for these ear-muffs!

After a few months of colic, we discovered a cure.  By giving Rowen a specific probiotic (Lactobaccilus Reuteri) his stomach problems were over, and so was his constant screaming.  He still seemed to be fussy, irritable and prone to screaming at the drop of a hat, but he no longer seemed to be in physical pain, and he was no longer screaming ALL the time.  This was a huge victory for our new family!  Not only that, but I finally found construction work on Maui, which become scarce during the economic crisis.  I was going to be able to support my family again!  Things were looking up!  And that’s when I broke both my legs.

The scaffolding I was standing on collapsed at the construction job I was on, and I fell and landed hard on both feet, which badly shattered both my ankle sockets.  I was in the hospital for weeks, underwent surgery on both legs, and then finally was released home in a drugged up and very disabled state.  Rowen was again plunged into a stressful situation, and as the months passed, our lives took on the quality of a bad dream.  Our home was filled with Rowen’s angry, impatient screaming, I was disabled, hurting and in had even less patience for Rowen’s moods than I had originally (which wasn’t much then either!)  Keesha was working double-time to be nurse to me and take care of our super fussy, needy, demanding baby, as well as handle all the cooking, cleaning, doctors appointments, bill-paying, etc.  Added to this was a huge load of money worries, because now I would not be able to work and support our family financially.  What were we going to do?  We didn’t know, but the worry and stress ate away at Keesha and I.  Through this time my legs slowly got better, but Rowen’s behavior grew worse and worse, until he was not only constantly screaming, he began hitting  and scratching us all the time as well, and he was making angry grimaces whenever we would try to get close and talk sweetly to him.   Rowen all but stopped smiling and laughing anymore.  He was tense, angry, demanding and obviously deeply unhappy.

Rowen's got darker and darker...

Rowen started making angry faces all the time.

Keesha and I couldn’t help but be affected by Rowen’s moods and temper.  In fact, our whole day seemed to revolve around Rowen’s moods, and they weren’t good.  Things were now looking truly grim.

This was one of the lowest periods of my life.  I was becoming deeply depressed.  It felt like my family was being sucked downwards into a whirlpool of stress, screams and negativity.  Everthing seemed blanketed by a strong sense of hopelessness about our future.  It looked like things could easily keep getting worse, and that was truly a nightmare vision to me.

I reached out to people a lot at this time, mainly through Facebook posts about our situation.  We recieved a lot of advice from many different people and it was striking how incredibly DIFFERENT the viewpoints were on the matter.

Below is a sample of some of the advice we got. Yes, these are ALL actual responses, although paraphrased for brevity. There is a lot of really good advice here, and 99.99% of the time I clearly felt the love and concern that was behind all the advice. When you read this list you will see how confusing it can be for parents to navigate through a very difficult time with their child…

-no comment-
-he might be autistic
-you should try smoking pot…
-you should try giving Rowen drugs/alcohol
-he might be injured or have a birth defect
-there is nothing wrong with Rowen, there’s something wrong with you
-just stop being upset about Rowen’s behavior
-what you say is happening with Rowen on a daily basis is not really happening
-Rowen is calling to you for help
-train Rowen like you would a dog
-teach Rowen sign language so you can understand his needs
-just talk to Rowen, he understands English perfectly
-show Rowen who is boss
-babies are perfect, so it must be your issue
-Rowen is manipulating you
-all babies act the way Rowen is acting
-only 1% of babies act the way Rowen is acting
-Rowen’s behavior is totally normal, don’t worry about it
-Rowen’s behavior is totally abnormal, do something before it is too late
-use drug store remedies
-use natural remedies
-use homeopathic remedies
-give him herbal tea
-see a doctor
-see a chiropractor
-see a cranio-sacral practitioner
-see an energy healer
-see an exorcist
-wow, it sounds really hard, what you guys are going through…
-crack jokes about Rowen’s behavior
-just wait, it will get easier
-do something or it will get worse
-my kids acted the same way, now they’re angels
-leave him alone and let him scream
-don’t ignore his screams or it will get worse
-you are a really good parent, be gentle with yourself
-your negative attitude about Rowen is making him act that way
-think positively!
-have gratitude
-discipline him
-hold him and let him scream
-this is a past-life issue with him
-this is due to birth trauma
-this is due to you breaking your legs
-there is negative energy in your house
-share your feelings of distress about this, it’s a good thing
-don’t share you feelings, you’re creating negative energy
-you seem to be going insane, Ellis

Okay this last one was definitely true!

Rowen’s behavior is SO much better these last two days, since we took him to our local shaman dude for an “energy healing”. The biggest change I feel in Rowen is hard to put my finger on. I can only think of annoyingly vague things to say, like, “It feels like he’s back”. There are lots of outward signs that something has shifted though. I give the full story below.

So Keesha had a dream last week that there was a negative spirit bothering Rowen. Since Keesha and I are both hippies of the spiritual persuasion (as opposed to our related clan of more intellectual, activist/environmentalist type hippies) we tend to give that kind of thing some credence. Keesha ended up telling a friend about the dream later that day, and someone else in the room overheard her and proceeded to tell Keesha about a healer here on Maui who offers free healings twice a week and who specializes in removing bothersome spirit entities from people’s personal space. Evidently he had a reputation for making a big difference with difficult and troubled children. The price was right (free) so we figured we had nothing to lose, and why not give it a go? At the very least it would be an interesting afternoon, and at best it might actually help.

So we went to the healers place, and entered a room with lots of pictures of saints and sages from many different spiritual traditions. Jesus, Buddha and many more were up on the wall. There was a huge altar with many different statues on it. There was the sound of “Om” being played on the stereo. The place smelled like incense, and if you will excuse my hippy-ness, the place had a really good “vibe” to it. The vibe reminded me of some temples I have been to, where you feel calmed and refreshed the moment you walk in the door.

The healer came and met us and we told him our situation. I explained how Rowen’s behavior had always been intense and extremely demanding, but it had taken a big turn for the worse about a month ago. The story goes like this: one night I was alone with Rowen and trying to eat my dinner, and he kept yelling at me. I had gotten some advice about trying to “train” Rowen not to scream, so I ended up putting Rowen in his crib in the other room while I finished my meal. He screamed in total outrage and anger from the other room, and after a few minutes I had a sudden, very strong sense of foreboding. I had the strong feeling that something bad was happening by leaving him in there to scream, and that I should go get him. By the time I had really acknowledged that feeling, thought about it and got up to act on it, Rowen had fallen asleep, so I left him in there. But I continued to feel sure that something bad had happened. It was after this incident that Rowen’s behavior took a huge nosedive, and I ended up feeling really amazed (and guilty) that leaving him in his crib could have wrought such a permanent negative change in him.

The healer said it sounded like we had all been through quite an ordeal over the last year, and we should all three get a healing. He also said that what he does is remove entities from people’s space. He said on average people had about 12 entities hanging around them. He said a neurotic person had a lot more than that, and by the time someone had about 100 entities they were definitely psychotic and hearing voices, hallucinating, etc. He said that he’d developed this work by healing an autistic child of it’s autism. As he checked out Rowen with his “healer mojo” he said that Rowen had four entities attached to him. He said that two had come to him in the womb, and two more had come the night I’d left Rowen in his crib. He said that it was a really good thing we’d come, because when entities attach to a child while in the womb, the child’s brain does not develop properly and it can sometimes lead to autism. He said we all needed to get healed because if one of us got clear and the others didn’t then the entities could jump from one person to the other.

First he wanted to heal me. I sat in the chair and he started doing his mojo on me. He said I had 11 entities on me. He began his healing and I definitely felt it. I don’t want to get too woo-woo for the non-hippys in the audience, but let’s just say it felt great; like warm butter melting out of my heart and spreading through my whole body. He went on to do other healing work on me. He picked up that I was in really bad shape, physically and emotionally (which makes sense, since this last month has been one of the hardest and lowest points in my life). He said that on a scale of 1 to 100, with 1 being miserable, and 100 being bliss, I was at 20%. He did a healing on my ankles, and said my body was really depleted and fried, and he worked to fix that. All that made sense to me and fit with my experience. He also said that my emotional body had stopped developing when I was 16. I called him a liar, told him to shut up, smashed his wall of pictures and I ran out of the room crying… Just kidding. I didn’t do that. But he really did tell me that I had stopped developing emotionally when I was 16 and that he was going to advance my emotional age up to the appropriate age. I asked him if my Star Wars dolls would still be fun to play with afterwards? Just kidding. I didn’t ask him that. Anyway, he did his thing, and I still don’t really know what he meant about being 16 emotionally. Maybe Keesha has some insight into that one… I don’t really want to ask.

Then he did a healing for Keesha and Rowen. Keesha had 6 entities (obviously a bunch of hers had jumped off on to me just before the healing, to make me look bad! ), and in general Keesha was in much better shape than me. Last he worked on Rowen and I was surprised that Rowen was so calm during this procedure. I was expecting him to get restless and scream for movement, but he didn’t. He sat in Keesha’s lap and seemed content.

When it was over Keesha immediately remarked with surprise that Rowen’s body felt soft. Lately his body has felt very hard, as if all his muscles were tense. Now his body was soft, and it wasn’t just his body: “soft” is a good word to describe the change in his demeanor. He seemed so emotionally soft and gentle after the healing. He had a joyful glow on his face that I hadn’t seen in quite a while. Lately he’s had a hardness and a coldness to his expression (that I nicknamed the “sour lizard” look). That hard look was gone, and he seemed so gentle and sweet. As the evening progressed we discovered that Rowen hadn’t lost his ability to scream or get impatient, he was still doing that, yet something was very different.

He still yells and demands for things at times, but he is also SO much more patient. He has so much more ease about him. He is an 11 month old baby after all, and babies can be demanding and impatient at times. However, these qualities had been so over the top in Rowen lately, and now they seem back down to “normal” levels. For instance, he doesn’t start screaming immediately, every single time you put him down. Now when you put him down he might scream, or he might look around a bit and see what there is to do. He is playing contentedly by himself more, is approaching strangers in public again, is smiling at me again, and I’m feeling that inner bond of love with him again, which I hadn’t felt very much this last month. Keesha has noticed that he has stopped making this angry grimace at her all the time, and is so much easier to put to bed now. He is gentle and winds down easily and falls asleep. Before he would toss and turn and struggle and scream and hit. Now he’s relaxed and more gentle.

My favorite part is that I see that adorable, loving softness in his eyes again. When we were on a walk yesterday, I was showing him some silkweed seeds; pulling them out of the pod, and letting the breeze float them away. He watched me do this over and over, and at one point we stopped and looked deeply into each other’s eyes and for a moment we… See More really saw each other, and we both smiled. There was so much love and affection between us! It has been months since that’s happened between us. I’ve missed it so much, and I’m so glad that it’s back. As I said above, it feels like I’ve got my son back. In fact, things feel better with him than they’ve ever felt. It’s still a lot of work parenting him at times, but with the love flowing and with sweet moments peppering the day, the work is SO much easier. Dare I say it is even a pleasure at times? Yes, it is.

So the healer wants us to come back this week, to make sure everything “took”. He’s also given us a little meditation to do with Rowen every morning and night, basically to get the blessing of whatever version of “a higher power” we relate to, so that the entities that were removed will stay away. I told him that Bacon was my higher power… Okay, no, I didn’t really tell him that. Anyway, I know the whole “entities” thing can sound completely ridiculous to some folks, and scary to others. I actually have a framework to understand this concept in a way which is neither scary nor utterly preposterous, and I’ll probably write and article on that in the near future, and will let folks know, in case they’re curious. [see Take a ride with me on the Astral Plane!]

Anyway, that’s the scoop. I’m breathing a big “whew!” over here, and feeling thankful for these unusual mystic healer type dudes who dot the earth, here and there…

==DISCLAIMER: My main intention with this blog is to reveal my true experience of parenting my son, Rowen. My experience includes beautiful moments of love and connection, as well as difficulty and struggle. I intend to speak very honestly and bluntly about all of my feelings about this. Many readers will not be used to hearing parents speak about this stuff. That’s why I’m doing it. I have noticed that many parents struggle with parenting behind a wall of silence and invisibility. I want to tear that wall down in this blog. Even though I will discuss how difficult Rowen often is at this point in his life, I want the reader to know that I ALSO see how beautiful, adorable and wonderful he is, and I cherish and love him very deeply. I am deeply committed to giving him the best life that I know how to give him.==